I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
