New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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