you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
