If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
