Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
