My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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