i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
