I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
