Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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