We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Too much gin, very little bucket
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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