I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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