My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
