I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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