Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
