By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
