is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
