dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
