im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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