Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
