Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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