If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
