So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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