my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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