FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
