First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
