Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
