i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
