My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
