if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
