before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
