Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
