im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
