just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
