Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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