OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
