no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
