Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize
