They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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