it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
