he quoted the bible to break up with me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found your dick twin last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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