i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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