you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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