Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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