Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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