Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
