I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
