he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
