i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
