I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
