bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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