I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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