really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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