I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
