no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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