I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
