all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
