This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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