It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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