Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hippo gnu deer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
