My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
