vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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