so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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