i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
