U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
