If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
