your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
