This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
