so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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