theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
3 2 1 whiskey
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
