She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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