i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
