I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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