oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
