One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
