? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
