I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
