omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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