i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize