The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
