I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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