Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
