It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
