She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
